i'm back???

well hello blog. i'm not actually sure if anyone still reads this but hey! i haven't posted in forever so here's a lil update.
i didn't fail my junior year! honestly i'm a little bit shocked because junior year was kicking my butt there at the end. there were so many dang panic attacks but it's ok. i lived, i passed, and i actually got really good grades!!! i ended with a 3.8 GPA so i'm really proud of myself.
in other news at the end-ish of junior year, i was like. ultra moody. me and my best friend were fighting almost constantly over the stupidest things. it was causing me to be even more moody because i didn't understand it. it kind of all came to a head when my grandma was in the hospital, nearly dead, and i spent all of lunch sobbing into my arm. (i apologize if you saw me that day). as we were walking from lunch to physics, he made some sort of a joke, and i lost it. i stopped walking and screamed at him. honestly i don't remember what i said but i just started crying and ran to the bathroom and hid there till the bell rang and then walked in and didn't speak to him because i was convinced that he now hated me. but after class he just hugged me and let me cry on his shoulder (what a guy. get you a best friend like mine.) and didn't say anything because he knew that's not what i needed. later (through text because confrontation is scary) i apologized and he told me it was all ok and guess what? we stopped fighting and wow that was a long drawn out story.
also, i took my AP Lang test which was an adventure. it was hard and i haven't gotten my score back yet but hopefully i did reasonably ok?
i'm not sure what else to update you on but we'll see if i actually keep up to date on this blog. i do have a new blog which i just announced some very exciting news on!!! click here to read that.

love you!

the bad things.

today was just not a good day. it was a day where everything seemed to be falling apart. i woke up late, my hair looked like trash, etc.
and then 3rd hour just took the cake.
first of all, i don't like my third hour very much. i love the subject (as previously mentioned, i am a huge history nerd) but we have this student teacher who just gets on every last nerve of mine. and today he was especially annoying. so that was one thing.
the second thing was the fact that this girl finds it repulsive that i get good grades in that class. she called me a suck-up today and with how annoyed i already was, it took a lot for me not to slap her across the face. but i resisted.
and. then.
i look down.
and on one of my absolute favorite shirts, there was a bunch of gum.
someone had put gum underneath the desk and it got on my shirt.
first of all, that is disgusting. second, that is rude. and third, IT MESSED UP MY SHIRT SO BAD. and it's not like i just carry around extra shirts, and my mom couldn't bring me one, so i had to just deal with the nasty gum on my shirt all day.
so yeah. today wasn't great.
but there were some okay things. i ate a really good burrito. i took a nap and didn't end up with a headache. but make no mistake. i'm still really freaking mad about the gum.

winter retreat.

well i've been slacking on the blog obviously. but i finally have something to write about so yay!
if you've been friends with me for any period of time, you've heard me talk about camp. (and you've probably been annoyed by it. oops.)
a little background: the camp is called Arizona Camp Sunrise & Sidekicks, and it's honestly so amazing. They put on free camps and retreats for kids who have or had cancer (Sunrise) and their siblings (Sidekicks). i've been going since i was 9 years old and i've never missed a year. it is my second home and the staff and campers are my second family.
enjoy these pictures of me:

last years dance 

flagstaff/lake powell trip

2015 dance

2012 dance. wow.

anyway, all of that aside, this past weekend was winter retreat (a weekend camp for 13-18 year olds) and it was so fun. 

first we did an escape the cabin, which we won! our time was 37 minutes.

(i have a pirate hat because it was pirated themed, btw)

the next day we did classes. i took coloring, which was super fun, and socrate's cafe, where we drank hot chocolate and talked about some deep philosophical topics.

(you can't really see me but oh well)

we did some activities and stuff and honestly it was the best. i have met some of my very best friends at this camp and i'm so lucky to have them.

jada and mj are two of those friends. they're both a bit younger than me but i'm still so close to them.

i already can't wait for this summer. i already know it's gonna be a blast, even though i'm no longer a camper :( i'm sure being a LIT will be amazing and rewarding too.

love y'all :)

P.S. Visit the Arizona Camp Sunrise & Sidekicks website here

falling up.

you might think this post is about the excellent book by shel silverstein.
you would be wrong.
this post is, in actuality, about me falling.
up the stairs.
yeah. so, i was walking with my friend john*, and we were going up one of the narrower stairwells at our school. and all of a sudden, i was no longer on my feet.
it literally happened in like two seconds, and i have no recollection of actually falling - just being up one second, and on the ground the next.
all i could think was "ow" "what the heck" and then "WHY IS JOHN LAUGHING AT ME????"
john literally laughed at me and kept walking. he was going to leave me there on the stairs, but i kinda yelled at him until he stopped and i got up.
i'm unscathed for the most part by this experience, except that i have a gnarly bruise on my knee, and my phone case got scratched, and i'm forever mortified that i made a complete fool of myself in front of john, but oh well.
careful on stairs so you don't fall up, my friend.

*this is john:

he's pretty much my very most favorite human (even when he's laughing at me). i'm surprised i haven't written more about him. soon he'll have a whole post dedicated to him and how amazing he is, don't worry.

another new blog?

yeah... another one. i know, i'm probably gonna go crazy trying to keep up with all of them. but this one is extremely important to me because it's going to be a weight loss blog. I've spent way too long treating my body like crap and it ends now... but read my new blog here to find out more :)

when life goes a little too fast.

okay guys, i'm like having a little minor freak out because holy crap. i got my senior registration stuff today. i can't believe that in a few more months, i will be a senior in high school. i will be applying for college, getting ready to graduate, and becoming an adult.
that. is. crazy.
i still remember the first day of my freshman year. i remember being terrified of the people at the school. i remember trying to make friends, keep my grades up, and still be a happy person all at the same time.
and now it's almost done. i've got two and a half more semesters left until i leave high school. just over a year until i leave the school that has shaped me. until i leave the friends who have helped me and broken me and made me the person i am today.
i know i'll be fine. i know i'll get into college and i'll graduate there and i'll have a good life. but still. looking back i feel like junior high was yesterday and i can't believe i'm here.
wish me luck!

the office, naps, and marcel the shell.

those three things are what my sunday has consisted of... no joke.
i went to church, came home and watched an episode of the office, then fell asleep... then my mom woke me up for dinner. i ate the super delicious homemade pasta alfredo, and then fell asleep...again. my mom woke me up again because we had a fireside, so i woke up and went to that. then i came home and me and my siblings watched the marcel the shell with shoes on series. (if you've never watched it you're missing out. go look it up on youtube right now).
clearly i live such a productive life.
life's a party, rock your body.

interview update

guys! i did my interview today and it went great! i was way super nervous, but it honestly wasn't that bad. it took about 10 minutes. i had written down some info about questions that i thought she might ask, so i didn't have to think too much.
anyway, she asked me the questions, and i answered without freaking out so yay me. she said that she was impressed with my answers, there's room for me in the program, and to watch out for emails for more info. i'm so excited! this is something i've been looking forward to since i was a little girl, so to have it be here and so close and so real is crazy!

scared.

ahhhh i'm so scared guys. i have an interview for the LIT program tomorrow.
(the LIT program is a program for the camp i go to. it's called AZ Camp Sunrise & Sidekicks and it's the best)
now that i'm turning 17, i have the opportunity to be an LIT (Leader in Training). i have filled out all the paperwork, and the next step is a phone interview... which i have tomorrow. i'm really nervous. i'm not very good at interviews or talking on the phone. so wish me luck!

weekly playlist 1/18/17

yeah this is still happening. mostly cause it helps me keep track of what songs i really like.
i hope you enjoy :)
spotify

letters against depression.

hey guys!
the other day as i was scrolling through facebook, i saw a post from this website. the post said that you can write letters for people who are suffering from depression. that sounded way cool to me, so a couple days ago i went on and signed up for a volunteer opportunity. today i got my first assignment, and i just finished my first letter. it's so nice! i was given the person's name, and a brief story written by them that outlined a little bit about their life. and then i got to write a 2-4 page letter introducing myself, my own struggles, whatever i wanted. i'm really hoping that it helps the person who receives it.
the other cool thing is that you can request a letter for yourself. every letter is personalized and different and special.
this website is super cool and i want more people to know about it because i know so many people could benefit from it.
love you :)

love yourself.

hey y'all. :)
if you know anything about me, you know that i have a lot of insecurities. i've never really liked myself much. but i know it's important to love yourself! like seriously, so important.
i know that i am not perfect (on the inside or outside) but i am striving to be better all the time.
i mean, just look at how cute i was today.

(i mean seriously. where are all the boys at???)

anyway, loving yourself is so important. but so is loving others. one of my new years resolutions is to stop making judgements on people based on how they look. because in reality, looks have no correlation with what kind of person you are, and that's so important to realize. 

also, i want to compliment one person every day. complimenting people helps everyone! it makes their day better, and yours. don't believe me? try it for a week. compliment at least one person every day and see what happens.

i hope everyone is having a lovely sunday!

little things.

just a short post today :)

i'm learning to be thankful for the little things in life. like the fact that the wifi in my house is finally set up, which means i get to watch grey's anatomy for hours on end. it's pretty great.

changes

i have never been very good with changes. i blame this on the fact that i never had to deal very much with change - i've never switched schools except from elementary to junior high and from junior high to high school. i'd never moved (that i remember) until a couple months ago. i've always had a pretty simple, easy to follow routine that i never changed too much.

but, like i mentioned, a couple months ago a lot changed at once. my parents got divorced. i had to move. i made a lot of new friends. i had to go to a new ward, where i had no friends, and just hope and pray that someone would like me and take me in (they did).  i had to learn how to let people in. it was weird, and scary, and hard.

but hey, i did it. and its been so much better. people who knew me before remark on how much happier i seem now and how much better my attitude is. so, change can 100% be for the better. so i promise you can do it too. just jump in and try :)

weekly playlist? 1/11/17

hello friends.
i had this idea today at school and decided i'd test it out this week. i know that i love looking at my friends music to find new music for myself, and figured some of you might like to do this too! so, every week (probably on wednesdays) i will post a new link here to a playlist of some of my current favorite music.
i personally use spotify, so that's where all my playlists will be. the nice thing about spotify is that even the free version is a pretty great way to listen to music. plus, there are always good deals out there to get spotify premium for cheaper. back in november i found a deal for 3 months of premium for only .99! i love having it. it's so nice.

so, without further ado, click here for the playlist for this week :)

these are a few of my favorite things.

ok, i spent way too much of last year being sad and negative. i found every horrible thing that happened in life and focused on it. this year i want to stop doing that! there is so much to be happy about in life. so, i'm gonna make a list of the things that make me happy and focus on them instead of the not so good things that happen. i encourage you to do this too, because seriously it actually helps!

• long hugs
• good books
• this song
• naps
• blogging
• long texts about how much someone loves you
• letters
• clean sheets
• organized closet
• good hair days
• old one direction songs
• outfits that look as good as you imagined them
• when the radio plays a bunch of really good music
• deep conversations
• new friends
• old friends
• funny youtube videos
• libraries
• cute boys
• comfy chairs
• full moons
• pretty sunsets

these are just some of the things that make me really happy. what makes you happy?

friendship and the struggles.

let's talk about friends, ok?
for my whole life, i've struggled with the whole prospect of friendship.
i've never been very good at making friends. i get very insecure and feel that there is no way that someone would want to be friends with a person like me. somehow, though, i always manage to find a couple people who see the good in me. and that is amazing! and i am so thankful for my friends.
but somehow, inevitably, i mess things up. it's different every time. i never know what is going to happen, what i'm going to do, or what someone else will do, but something will happen. and that friendship will go downhill.
try as i might to fix it, usually it doesn't work. i've lost a lot of friends just because of these stupid moods i get in where i have a really difficult time seeing anyone but myself. it's horrible. or i get horribly insecure, to the point that i'm convinced that my friends don't like me anymore, and i distance myself until the friendship is over.
i want to fix this stuff in 2017. i want to stop being so insecure. start thinking about others. make more friends who can continue to help me grow and improve.
i will update you here on how all of that goes.

sleep (or the lack of it)

well i start my second semester of junior year in 8 hours, but of course i can't sleep. my sleep schedule got super screwed up this week, so i'm not surprised.
anyway, while i've been not sleeping i decided that i want to create a new blog, but this time i actually want to stick to it. it's one of my new years resolutions. i don't know exactly what i'm gonna post on here. probably not anything that will interest anyone, but oh well. it'll be a place to write down my thoughts and write down things that happen in my life, no matter how mundane they may be.
so thanks for reading this 12 AM induced blog post. hopefully now i'll be able to fall asleep so i can survive a 7 hour school day.