friendship and the struggles.

let's talk about friends, ok?
for my whole life, i've struggled with the whole prospect of friendship.
i've never been very good at making friends. i get very insecure and feel that there is no way that someone would want to be friends with a person like me. somehow, though, i always manage to find a couple people who see the good in me. and that is amazing! and i am so thankful for my friends.
but somehow, inevitably, i mess things up. it's different every time. i never know what is going to happen, what i'm going to do, or what someone else will do, but something will happen. and that friendship will go downhill.
try as i might to fix it, usually it doesn't work. i've lost a lot of friends just because of these stupid moods i get in where i have a really difficult time seeing anyone but myself. it's horrible. or i get horribly insecure, to the point that i'm convinced that my friends don't like me anymore, and i distance myself until the friendship is over.
i want to fix this stuff in 2017. i want to stop being so insecure. start thinking about others. make more friends who can continue to help me grow and improve.
i will update you here on how all of that goes.